Give a little love...

Sevgili gunu mubarek!

Or something like that.

That's "Happy Valentine's Day" in Azeri...though they don't really celebrate it here. (Hallmark hasn't made it to this part of the world yet...kidding...) People have heard of it though, and when they translate it, really, it directly translates to "lovers day." My counterpart told me this today, when she was telling me about how she reminded her husband what day it was when she woke up this morning.

Their conversation as recounted to me:

Counterpart: Do you know what day it is today?
Husband: No, I have forgotten.
Counterpart: It is lover's day!
Husband: So? We are not lovers. We are husband and wife.

Womp womp. Though she did say, "he used to buy me things often" and with a little twinkle in her eye, she continued and said, "I think he will buy." They really are very truly in love and good for each other...I think that comment was more a product of marriage than of culture.

I wanted to teach today to my classes, so with my 5th and 6th forms each student made a mailbox (which was hard to explain because they don't HAVE mailboxes in Azerbaijan - mail comes to the post office and if you want it you have to go get it), and then I had them write simple English sentences ('you are a clever student' or 'you are a good friend' etc. etc.) on Valentine's. With some of the awesome art supplies I received, we made some pretty great mailboxes and valentine's. My mailbox is full of very well-intentioned, gramatically incorrect or just gramatically odd notes. My fav, "You are a teacher!" or "You nice teacher!" Love 'em.

Part of the reason I HAD to commemorate Valentine's Day was because of a comment my student, Islam, made a few weeks ago. We were talking about hobbies. Conversation below:
Me: Islam, what is your hobby?
Islam: (in Azerbaijani) My hobby is being Casanova.
Me: (to my counterpart) Did he just say Casanova?
Counterpart: Yes. I think there is no English translation for this.
Me: No, Casanova is Casanova in any language.
Counterpart: Yes. His hobby is chasing girls.

6th form. My 8th formers are buried in books and still think members of the opposite sex have cooties, and my 6th formers are all about each other. Too. Cute. So, he's a little Casanova now.

It's funny now, watching the students flirt in ways that I know we all used to when we were in school. Playing MASH at sleepovers...(I found a notebook, yes from the 6th form, that had some pairings in the making...I couldn't quite figure out how it worked). What's sad though, is that for these kids, the only contact they get with students of the opposite sex is a) their classmates, and b) their relatives.

My one PCV friend's host sister is going to marry her cousin this year. And her father actually didn't want to let her, but she insisted, and he relented. This isn't surprising here, because her cousin was the one and only boy she's ever been able to hang out with, ever been able to have a normal conversation with, and be herself around. At least she's getting married to someone she's comfortable with...

Gender norms are VERY strict, and pretty much any time you say you are hanging out with a boy, it is assumed to be romantic, or have the possibility of becoming romantic. Unmarried women and men aren't to be together alone, ever, walking, driving, at a restaurant, in the park, and especially not in the house or a bedroom. Even the word, 'dost' is hard to drop. It means friend, but is generally used for a male, and so when I say I have a 'dost,' it is entirely possible that the person I'm talking to hears that I have a boyfriend. And of course, if you have a boyfriend, the assumption is that you will marry him. So. You know. Talking about these things is odd with HCNs. Fortunately, I'm a little above this as a foreign woman. I'm not held to exactly the same standards as Azerbaijani women, but sometimes I am, so it becomes hard to tell. The exception came the other night, when I was guesting at my new male site-mates home in the village. When it got late, myself and my two male sitemates retired to his room to watch a movie, and get ready for bed. The family acted like nothing was up, and really just laughed when the two of them had to share the pull-out couch...hehe.

There are a lot of initiatives going on in country to help relax these gender traditions, or to at least open up a conversation, so that people can make their own choices. Some official initiatives, and some just PCVs having conversations. I'm starting to think that when it comes to gender development, it isn't giving money or throwing birth control at women, but its just talking. Having a conversation. And not just with the women, but getting the men involved too. It's a two way street, and it takes two to tango (and all sorts of other phrases that talk about twos...).

Some resources for your consideration:

Half the Sky by Nicholas Kristof (just finished it, READ IT! READ IT! READ IT!)

http://www.vday.org This is Eve Ensler's mega initiative. She wrote the Vagina Monologues, and now they've taken on a life of their own...being produced all over the world, raising money for a different charity each year, to stop violence against women. A violence which stems not only from war, but deeper, from cultural expectations and norms that are unfair and oppressive. (V-Day, Until the Violence Stops is a pretty good crash-course documentary about the work she's done and the movement has started...)

...and there's a whole slew of other stuff out there...

International Women's Day is March 8...and I'm starting to wonder why we don't celebrate this in America...I'm sure I'll have a whole other post on that one as the day comes up...